Sunday, May 29, 2011

Received

I breathe small love on a sunflower seed; it sprouts in my open hand.  Although lacking the usual sun and rain, its growth is phenomenal.  Soon the plant outgrows the kitchen ceiling, moves out the closest window into outer space.  Soon---- and I am not making this up----- the neighborhood streets fill with birdsong and clean, golden smell of petals drifting down.



                                                                          

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Secret




If I told you, I'd expose a friend.  If I told, I would intensify pain.

I will gossip, say too much, sometimes bring trouble....But, I won't tell secrets.  Why break my own heart by betraying a friend?






Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Lullaby

Eyes bandaged, incognito, I get a waiver for smacking into things.  I make it down the road, holding close each crippled insect and shiny stone encountered.  At journey's end, fuschia moonlight passes around steaming platter after platter of parrilladas.   Even through my improvised caul, I taste the familiar constellations thick with barbecue sauce.  I fall asleep wondering: Am I teaching my beautiful daughter the things a woman needs to know? Not just to survive, but also to flourish?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Thank you

Slowly, clouds disperse, revealing solid land.

I still don't know when (or if) the Ghanaian students will visit. When their original date fell through, I was acutely depressed.   Their visit was one of few events inspiring me to move forward during this turbulent year, but things simply didn't work out as planned.  Hopefully, my friends will resolve their visa issues soon. If so, I shall do my best to reorganize host families, and logistics.   I want to see the students, and Madame again!  I hope fiercely that they can make it, but I don't know what will happen.
I also have personal issues, yet to be resolved.  More clouds drifting through.  But guess what?
I finally found a job for next year. I'll be working at another Montessori School, teaching elementary. Hurrah!
Of all the jobs that I applied for in recent months, this is the one that I want. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Having employment in my future makes ambiguous areas easier to tolerate.

Wash me in the water

Today I took the girls on a traditional family outing to the ballet.  Over the years we have seen several: Swan Lake, Appalachian Spring, Firebird…today we saw the Alvin Ailey National Dance Theatre at Chrysler Hall, in Norfolk.  

The ballet thing started with Joni.  When she was five she wanted to become a ballerina.  She read every ballet book in the children’s section of our library.  She also wrote books detailing important aspects of the ballerina’s life.  How to put elastics in your shoes.  What does fifth position look like?   Thinking that it would be a good idea to take her to an actual ballet,  I got tickets to The Grigorovich Ballet production of Swan Lake.  I did this out of duty.  I had no interest in the ballet, but wanted to encourage Joni. At that time, I was afraid to drive to Norfolk so I bought three tickets.  One for Joni, one for me, one for a guest doubling as driver.
Ten years later, I’m okay about driving to Norfolk.  I still get lost easily.  Joni and I had a major fight on the way over.  Ostensibly about directions, but something had been boiling between us for days.  The ballet was balm soothing over  mangled feelings.  We left Chrysler Hall joyfully having been washed in the water , rare and spiritually cleansing dance.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Limbo

It has been a while since I have written here.    So many things have been up in the air.  Things that will define the quality of my life, insurance, and children's well-being. Oh, yeah...It's limbo season.

Took a long walk today.  I focused on my footsteps, and my heart beat. I put myself into perspective, saw my earthly anxieties from outer space. It helped.